30 January 2008

Pay attention to the post time...

As you can probably see - It's approximately 3am as I'm writing this. My daughter from the time she was born, didn't want to sleep anywhere but in my arms. This trend has continued, and I believe that at this point, it's only 75% her doing. I have to admit that there is a part of me that loves having this tiny person snuggled into my chest each night.

But tonight is different. Tonight, I'm not tired. I've been up since I fed her at 1:30am, watching 30Rock on the Netflix streaming video. I've watched the clock and wondered when she's going to get hungry again. I'm sure it will be about 10 minutes after I finally fall asleep.

In the first week or so that she was home, she had her days and nights reversed. We have this straightened out, but I think it's me who has my days and nights reversed at this point.

I'm giving her (and myself) until she's a month old to continue with the current sleeping arrangement. After that, I will be trying to train her to sleep on her own in the cradle or the pack n play. I really think this is going to be just as difficult for me as it is for her. Every noise she makes, I want to check on her. Every time she hasn't made any noises for a while, I want to check on her. I'm sure you can see where this can be a problem.

I'm learning that being a parent is confusing at the very least. On one hand, I want nothing more for her to sleep on her own, but at the same time, I want to hold her every second of every day. Even if it isn't the best thing for either one of us.

It's amazing how much you can love something. This love started before she was even born. We knew we loved our daughter unbelievably. Now that she's here - well, you don't know how much you're willing to sacrifice yourself, or what you believed you were, for another person. The hours I've lost in sleep and time to breastfeeding, diapers, and comforting my daughter are nothing. Ask anyone if they want to be woken up every 2 hours (or every hour during a growth spurt) and have their body mangled and tugged on - I'd be willing to bet it's not high on their priority list. Ask a parent if they want that, and they don't seem to mind. At least I know I don't. It's an adjustment, but it's not impossible.

I'm sure I seem like I'm rambling or that I'm on some parenting soapbox, but it's not my intention. (C'mon! It's 3am for Christ's sake!) It's just me getting what I'm thinking down somewhere. I can't talk to anyone about it right now, because Harper is resting peacefully on my chest and Rob is lying in bed...snoring.

I'm just going to continue to get as comfortable as I can in my recliner and watch more 30Rock in hopes of drifting off to sleep. I'm sure someone will get hungry in about an hour anyhow.

Thanks for listening.

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